Honesty is one of the most important pillars and virtues of any relationship. A healthy relationship will always have healthy communication and genuine honesty, whereas an unhealthy or broken relationship will lack in this area. Although the principle seems so simple and easy, as most people have experienced, honesty isn’t always easy to come by. The next question is how to tell whether or not your partner is being honest. Obviously this can be a problem, as the very purpose of dishonesty is to conceal the truth—how do you see beyond to what is hidden or discern when something is in fact being hidden from you? Here are some tips as to how to decode the truth and meaning behind a person’s behavior.
A) When your partner tells their story listen to details and carefully remember all of the information they provide. At a later time ask them to repeat the story and look for inconsistencies. If they change something in the story—especially something obvious that would be difficult or impossible to remember incorrectly—they are likely lying. Over time our memories do fade and it is possible to make mistakes, but a liar will likely struggle to recall every detail perfectly. The truth is much easier to remember.
2) Eye Contact
B) There are two physical cues to look for when it comes to lying and eye contact. An inexperienced liar will likely avoid making eye contact or blink frequently. Someone who is more proficient at lying will most likely make very direct eye contact without blinking. Either way, pay attention for eye contact that is extreme in one direction or the other. If their eye contact looks unnatural it could indicate dishonesty.
3) Use Logic
C) Be aware if something in their story doesn’t make sense or seem logical. This is another way to look for inconsistencies right in their explanation. If they say they went straight home from somewhere and you notice the odometer portrays otherwise—or some other clue, this is a clear indicator of a lie. Lies are often broken through simple logic, the truth will always be logical.
4) Physical Cues
D) There are a number of physical cues which you can look for that may reveal a person is lying. The biggest thing to remember is that if someone is lying they are probably nervous and this produces certain physical signs. They may cover a vulnerable area with their hand, such as rubbing the neck. They may swallow frequently or take gulps of their beverage. They may also fidget or scratch excessively.
E) Many liars will go out of their way for you to believe them and will say excessive phrases. You may hear a liar say “as God is my witness” or “I swear on my mother’s grave.” Liars may also say “you can always trust me” or “to be perfectly honest.” This is an especially tell-tale sign if you are just asking in general in a relaxed conversation—there would be no need to make such claims. Another way to look at this as a sort of preemptive defense.